I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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