Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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