got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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