your room smells of hookers.
And success
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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