It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
