Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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