I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
