My liver just broke up with me...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
