I wish I could teleport
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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