His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
