Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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