My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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