You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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