How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We named our party play list daddy issues
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
