You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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