Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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