wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
