it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
