What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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