So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
