I hate all girls vehemently.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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