Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
