Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.