what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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