i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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