I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Houston, we have a blender
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
