Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even my vagina gasped.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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