Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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