Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
