do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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