he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
