I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
