No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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