Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
and you fell through a lawn chair
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
