wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
