Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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