I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He has the fingertips of a God
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