Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
