if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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