Redeem this text for a blowjob
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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