I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
