If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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