before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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