just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
