She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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