I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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