it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
