So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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