pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
