Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
