Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
