he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
