Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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