belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
