your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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