Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
