The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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