tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
