I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
