she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
