I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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