Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
